Category: Blog

Every Birthing

NOTE: what follows is a response written in creative, poetic prose on the idea of biblical hope.

The biblical word ‘Hope’ is all to do with waiting, tense with expectation. And that hope is based upon the faithfulness of God in the past; we look to that to fuel our hope for his future kingdom.

“I want it now, why do I have to wait?”,
“Be patient”, I was told in days of old,
“I’ve only got so many arms”, “I can’t do everything at once!” is now my response.

Instant gratification solved my probelms was my placation.
Yet as we grow older we come to realise that impatience and frustration don’t make a good life.
It seems that every good thing takes time to flourish and ripens only when it is destined to do so.

A life of immidiacy may seem thrilling and desirable but ultimately does no more than scratch the surface, leaving the soul malnourished and under resourced.
It takes time to learn the basics, embed and master new skills.
You can’t build a house, or much else without learning first, then practicing, making mistakes and developing your craft.

So too, I think, with the spiritual life. To develop your inner spiritual life, to craft inner temples and tread on the vast unknown terrains within takes diligence and humility.
Acceptance of the lowly beginning of apprentice from which we all must start.

The route to growth/life is failure learned from. So we willingly take up our burdensome crucifix and pursue the wild entity, who so freely did us from our chains loose.
For blood, sweat and tears are the elixir of life we seek,
pain and discomfort are the crest we must peak,
in order to become like the Son we learned from.

And over time as we graft and proactively wait, follow the flow of breathe,
like a skilled sailor we wait for the change in breeze, waiting on Spirit.
Developed and grown from within we become, until the promised of flourishing.
Ripened at the destined time, the gift given to deliver is ready to be birthed into reality, through excruciating pain, for the benefit of us all.

Every birthing of Spirit-embodiment bring us all closer to union. And when we look into the face of that One, in whose glow we shall know as we are known, we will be made new.

So we wait in tense expectation, and with gritted teeth lean in and become.

Deep waters

“You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep my faith will stand
…
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Saviour”

Lyrics from ‘Oceans (where feet may fail)’ by Hillsong UNITED (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9nwe9_xzw)

I paused to reflect on these lyrics this morning and was reminded of a prayer from several years ago when I asked God to take me into deeper waters and cause me to grow spiritually. It’s safe to say that request was honoured but I could not have been prepared for the shape of its outworking.

As it turns out, a gaping chasm exists between ‘walking surefooted on the shore’ and ‘walking on the waters of the deep’ and the journey from A to B is difficult and ongoing.

Since that prayer I have found myself in choppy waters and felt out of my depth. I’ve had two children with all the joys and exhaustion they bring, experienced a global pandemic and lockdown, and have been blighted with energy-sapping anxiety which spiralled into depression. I realised I wasn’t a sailor! I didn’t have the knowledge or skills to circumnavigate the environment I was in, and I floundered.

However, I have found two gifts, or graces during this voyage. First, I still haven’t sunk, despite the towering swells and vicious waves. Don’t get me wrong I have doubted, despaired, nearly given up and walked away. Almost swallowed whole and absorbed into the depths of unending darkness and yet here I am.

In all the difficulty there has always been the smallest glimmer of light, the faintest whisper of hope. You could say something, or someone was holding me just above the waves, so I didn’t succumb to fatigue and sink. Maybe that’s what it means to be ‘held in the hands of God’. It’s not being wrapped in cotton wool and only receiving good things but, being kept from sinking while you’re in the storm.

Secondly, I am learning how to stand and persevere within the storms. When life isn’t going you’re way it’s hard to deal with and the natural response, for me at least, is to fight it! To dig my heels in and resist, resist the reality, the feelings and lean hard into denial, avoidance and distraction by whatever means possible. This approach unfortunately only makes matters worse!

I’m reminded of a swim coach’s advice on my technique. He encouraged me to relax my shoulders and not try to fight my way through the water. But instead feel the flow of the water, extend your arms fully and notice the right moment to pull and the water will work with you.

And he was right, when you work with the water it feels like you are pulling on something solid each stroke and yet you find yourself gliding, as if through air at the same time. Rather than expending massive amounts of energy to move through something, you conserve energy and move with it instead.

A musician, I have discovered recently puts it like this;

“As I got older, I realized there were no real winners and there were no real losers in psychological warfare
But there were victims and there were students
It wasn’t David versus Goliath, it was a pendulum
Eternally swaying from the dark to the light
And the more intensely that the light shone, the darker the shadow it casts

It was never really a battle for me to win, it was an eternal dance
And like a dance, the more rigid I became, the harder it got
The more I cursed my clumsy footsteps, the more I struggled
So I got older
And I learned to relax, and I learned to soften, and that dance got easier”

Lyrics from ‘Hi Ren’ by Ren (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_nc1IVoMxc)

I don’t think I could have learned these lessons without having tried to fight the storms I was in. Being utterly defeated wave after crushing wave forces you to find a new way. But it feels jarring that this learning and growth has come at such a high price especially when so much in life is the ‘tap of a finger’ away, allowing us to sit behind a screen and indulge without much effort or commitment.

Maybe this is the third gift I have found then, that if we truly desire to become something new we have to let go of what is, and as the old is stripped away lean into the discomfort and pain, learn it’s feel and flow, ‘become soft’, move with it and grow. Nothing worth doing is achieved without effort, commitment, and sacrifice – this was the way Jesus told his disciples it would be, “A student is not greater than his teacher. A servant is not above his master. The student shares his teacher’s fate. The servant shares his master’s!” (Matthew 10:24-25, NLT version) and, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me.” (Matthew 16:24, NLT version)

If we commit to this process, I believe we become a new kind of beast, we begin to transcend the worries of this world using them like rungs of a ladder to ascend. Then we begin to step into who we are called to be, guided, and grown by Spirit.

NOTE: It can be tempting to read certainty into these words, they are however written from a place of faith, hope and trust. And some days that comes easier than others. They are words I use to remind myself, they are words I aspire to and ultimately, they are words I trust that God will honour and bring to fruition in me as I seek to do his will.

Perfection mad

Efficiency and results are important things in business and society at large and rightly so, but is there a down side to this drive for better and faster?

One thought that has been in my mind for a while is that this drive seems to be creating a type of ‘societal perfectionism’ which sets unrealistic expectations and lacks in compassion and empathy.

An environment is created where people are driven to hide their weaknesses and offer instead the illusion of being in complete control.

We can be left thinking there is a pattern, a way of being to which we have to conform. If we just think more carefully, try harder and be different.

This creates the perception that mistakes and errors are intolerable completely stifling our ability to learn from mistakes. In short we are gradually losing the ability to see failure as a vital part of growth in creativity.

We become terrified of failing to such an extent that in the blink of an eye our morals are cast out the window if it will preserve the shimmering gloss of perfection we seek to upkeep.

In this type of environment community becomes fragmented as we fall into self-preservation mode. We lose compassion for ourselves and others, and turn our backs on supportive and life-giving ways of being.

Could there be a better way, a more gracious way? What would it look like to allow room for mistakes and even more importantly create an atmosphere where people can be vulnerable, mistakes can be talked about and learned from?

Are we willing to take the risk and push for change?

“We must be willing to fail and to appreciate the truth that often ‘Life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be lived.'”

M. Scott Peck

A defining story

Have you ever stopped to think about what narrative defines you and the way you view the world?

I recently read this quote from one of my favourite teachers Franciscan monk Fr. Richard Rohr; “How we begin is invariably how we end and how we proceed. Our creation story is important.”

This set my mind of whirring about the impact of narratives and I had to write some of my thoughts down. Narratives can be such powerful drivers in shaping the way we interact with life, people and the world. Many of us unwittingly carry negative narratives around with us and we don’t realise how they can completely dictate our course in life.

As a perfectionist I have constant critical, negative self-talk going on in my head no matter what I am doing. For as long as I can remember that voice has been trying to, with some success dictate how I perceive life. Trying to undermine my enjoyment, my freedom to express, my willingness and ability to let others in.

Over the last year or so I have started to invest time in understanding perfectionism and the impact it has on people. During this time I have become more and more aware of this voice than I ever was before. I began to realise how many elements of my life it had secreted itself into and the impact that had on me.

Fortunately as a follower of Jesus and having grown up around this ‘Jesus-culture’ I have also had an overwhelmingly positive narrative spoken into my life at the same time. A narrative that starts with the words; ‘God created……and saw that it was good’ (my paraphrase) and leaves the ending open with a promise that; ‘there is now no separation between God and humanity’ (again my paraphrase)

And so despite these two competing narratives vying  for my attention on a daily basis, while I can’t prevent myself hearing either I do have a choice about which I believe and allow to define my reality.

So I would like to modify Richard Rohr’s above statement to say this instead; ‘How we choose to begin is invariably how we end and how we proceed.’

So what is your narrative? And how does it define you?

 

“God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.”

Genesis 1:31

Are you really listening?

One of the essential needs of all humans beings is to be heard above being corrected with ‘the right answer’. As subconsciously we equate being heard with being accepted possibly even loved. Yet how often do we actually listen to what someone is saying?

More often than not I find myself thinking about how to solve their problem or, coming up with reasons why I disagree with them or, worse still trying to come up with witty comment so that somehow I still get attention.

Let your mind revisit recent conversations and reflect upon your actions and responses.

When we resist these urges and truly, deeply listen to what is being said we achieve a deeper level of perception where we are able to understand what is being communicated. We enter a new level of connection with the person who is speaking and let them into our heart, the depth of who we are.

We have engaged with their ‘being’ and discovered more about them but in some way we’ve also learnt more about ourselves.

When we are willing to sacrifice ourselves for others, willing to let them into our hearts and get involved in their lives we will both be transformed.

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

James 1:19

Hope-full

Sometimes realisations only hit you when you stop, take a step away from the busyness and reflect on the bigger picture from a removed place.

I had one of those moments this weekend after having just completed a big week of events at my school aimed at instilling hope. It was a frenetic, fantastic, stressful yet enjoyable week!

As I have been resting this weekend I got to thinking about where do you go after a big event like that? What is the follow up, how do you maintain momentum? And I realised that although big events can provide a remarkable catalyst for change they are not the ‘end’, instead they are just the beginning.

The thing that really makes a long term difference in anything is the consistent, small interactions and acts carried out day-by-day, everyday. Just like the key to a good level of fitness is not one massive session in the gym once every 2 months, rather it is regular manageable sessions in the gym several times a week.

Consistency and discipline produce results. The same is true when seeking to make a work environment more a hope-full place. What’s needed is a hopeful mindset, consistent actions along with language promoting hope and gradually the frame through which everything is perceived begins to change.

To step out on this journey we need to ask ourselves a vital question, ‘What is that hope based upon?’

This is quite possibly one of the most important questions we can invest our time in answering.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11

Do you perceive it?

It is interesting the range of responses there are to the term ‘faith’, many people have honestly told me that they don’t possess ‘a faith’; in terms of feeling like they belong to any religious group in particular.

A helpful definition for faith could be; ‘A belief/trust/confidence in someone or something, based on a spiritual conviction rather than ‘concrete proof’’. A deep knowing about something rather being able to see it.

I believe many people, whether consciously or subconsciously understand or perceive that there is some illusive, mysterious yet discernible pattern to life and all that comes with it. For Christians and people of many other faiths this ‘discernible pattern’ is God-at-work.

The Bible repeatedly reminds us that the method in which God operates in the world is love. Through all of life’s moments; the exhilarating highs and the shattering lows God’s love is at work to bring something good out of them. That kind of love has the power change people, situations and the world.

The love described in the passage above was demonstrated by Jesus during his life and describes God’s love. What would it look like if you and I had ‘faith’ in that kind of love and sought to model it in our everyday lives?

 

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude…. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

One Act Of Kindness

‘Love your neighbour as yourself’ is such a well-known adage that we rarely stop to give it a second thought. Yet Jesus placed a lot of emphasis on this truth at times pushing its meaning beyond what some might consider ‘reasonable limits’ by adding, “I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” This could cause many of us to question the benefit of doing such a thing, especially for those who are against us!

However Franciscan priest Fr. Richard Rohr offers us the beginnings of an answer when he says, “Until we learn to love others as ourselves, it’s difficult to blame broken people who desperately try to affirm themselves when no one else will.”

The truth is we never fully know another person’s situation or reasons for the way they behave. Most of the time what we perceive as a personal attack is actually the manifestation of that person’s own internal struggle. So by choosing to love others as ourselves, especially those who are against us maybe we can begin to break these ongoing cycles of negativity thus allowing all of us to move closer to a state of inner healing.

“Love your neighbour as yourself.”

Matthew 22:39

Humility

So many of the problems that Humanity faces would be solved if pride died and humility reigned. Such a simple solution, and yet in reality so very complex.

The key I believe in this particular area is to start with personal humility, seek to ‘be the change you want to see’. In order to do that however, you need to recognise the subtlety of pride and the burden of humility.

At what point does self-confidence turn into pride?

I think it is precisely at the point where you decide that being right is more important than the relationship you have with others.

C. S. Lewis describes humility thus; “True humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is think of yourself less.”

Maybe this would lead us to think of others more. In doing so I believe we would find that much of the conflict we experience everyday would cease.

There would be more peace in the world.

“Blessed are the humble, for they shall inherit the earth.”

Matthew 5:5

Naturally worthwhile

I am so often left speechless, in awe of the beauty surrounding us in Nature. So many throughout history have done likewise and searched ‘out there’ for the cause or creator of such beauty. I was challenged a few weeks ago, to rather look more deeply ‘into’ it and find meaning there.

There are many names we could use for God; the Universe, Presence, Mystery to name a few. Whatever name you are drawn to, this ‘otherness’ is displayed in and through all things if you look closely enough. That doesn’t necessarily mean they ‘are’ it, but that they portray an element of it.

I believe all things are of innate value due to the ‘image of God’ they portray. Therefore all of Nature, wildlife and humanity are in some sense, inherently good and worthy of love. In a mystical and amazing way this means that we share a connection with all that is around us.

This gives me a feeling of responsibility towards the natural world and all that is in it. For through it more of this mystery called ‘God’ is revealed. We, the human race, have become so disconnected from Nature that we have lost sight of its importance; not only within its own right but also its importance for our own health, well-being and identity.

 

“The heavens declare the glory of God, the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge.”

Psalm 19:1-2